Apep a.k.a. The Frappening
Of Myths & Men: Episode 26, the only podcast to have their special guest leave in a fit of land madness, but then return so that he could be the expert. This week we discuss the Apep. The expert this week is Velija.
Contents
Description
| Main Article: Apep |
Apep is the Egyptian god of Chaos and the umbilical cord of Ra. Due to this, he and Ra are dire enemies. Apep is most commonly in the form of a 50 foot snake. He is also said to hang out in "_(-Score)Wrld".
Abilities
Apep has skin made of flint, a loud ass roar, and other serpent things. He is weak to many things such as spit, left feet, people named lance, knives, and fire.
Tale
| Main Article: Apep |
Apep and Set face off in a duel to the death. It begins with them insulting each other, and Apep calling to Ra a lot. Finally, sick of Apep's shit, Set cuts off Apep's head and kills him.
Fight Club
| Apep: | Velija |
|---|---|
| Jörmungandr: | Adam |
| Moderator: | Dylan |
Statsheets
| Strength (1-10) | Speed (1-10) | Intelligence (1-10) | Durability (1-10) | Total (of 40) | Vulnerabilities | Special |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | 5 | 5 | 8 | 25 | Spit, Left Feet, Lance, Knives, Fire | Wrap n' Squeeze, Flint Skin, Loud Roar |
| Strength (1-10) | Speed (1-10) | Intelligence (1-10) | Durability (1-10) | Total (of 40) | Vulnerabilities | Special |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 9 | 1 | 2 | 10 | 22 | Good Fishing Line | Venomous Spit |
The Fight
Copacabana beach, the sun is probably somewhere, two snakes, only one can leave. Jormungandr vs. Apep.
A ripple of sand heads towards Apep quickly, but it just ends up being his tail, Jormungandr explodes out from under where he thinks Apep is. A MISS. Jormungandr flops around on the beach like a Magikarp. Apep, seeing this, stands up on his tail and ramrods down from 50 feet up, hurting two of Jormungandr's kidneys. But Jormungandr has many kidneys, so he's fine. The two snakes slither and writhe between each other, Jormungandr attempting to out squeeze Apep. It succeeds in breaking a couple of Apep's ribs, causing him to yell "Ouchihuahua," and then he says "Sss."
Apep attempts an escaping whiplash, slashing Jormungandr across the face with minimum damage, but can't escape. Jormungandr takes this opportunity to tell Apep about how great of a store idea Gander Mountain is and how it was underappreciated, attempting to bore Apep to death. The attempt fails because Apep really liked Gander Mountain and agrees. Apep tries shooting up once more and attempts to nose dive into Jormungandr's mouth. He escapes the hold by the other snake, and but misses the strike, smacking his snout against the ground. His body uninjured from the move, but his shame is not. Apep mumbles "At least I didn't eat semen covered lettuce," still hung up on Set.
Jormungandr yells out "I shall smite thee for Odin. Odin shall do this for you, O great Odin." In mockery of Set as well. Then spews venomous spittle onto Apep, coating his first 8 feet from head down his neck. Apep wraps himself around Jormungandr's neck, attempting to squeeze hard enough to separate the head from the body. Being fiercely choked, Jormungandr bites down on Apep's tail, and yanks hard, using his massive torque potential to hellercopter Apep around and launch him towards the son. He yells after the flying snake, "Take this shit boy back, Ra!"
For the next 100 turns, Apep falls to the ground from the stratosphere, but ends up successfully landing on the ground with minimal damage. Apep slides across the ground, scraping across a rock and setting himself on fire in a desperate, last ditch attempt to attack. The flaming snake hurtles towards Jormungandr, burning each part that it can touch. Jormungandr takes the time to remind Apep that he is weak to fire, then headbutts Apep, cracking his skull open, brains spewing, but Apep holds on to life.
Apep roars pretty loud, approximately 140 decibels. It does nothing. Jormungandr wraps around Apep's upper neck and squeezes until his tate is decapied. Apep lay, broken, bruised, and decapitated.
Winner: Jörmungandr.
Famous Quotes
"Mark Mar...ti..ni?" - Dylan
"What's Chocolate Tier?" - Dylan
"He doesn't like fishing line right? And I'm a thin snake..." - Velija
"I wonder how much normangander.com is." - Dylan
"Ra" - Set
