Difference between revisions of "Quetzalcoatl a.k.a. Cokehead Rodney Dickens"
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| − | [http://www.mythsandmen.com/podcasts?episode= | + | [http://www.mythsandmen.com/podcasts?episode=27 Of Myths & Men: Episode 27], the only podcast simulcast in snakespeak where available. This week we discuss the [[Quetzalcoatl]]. The expert this week is [[Adam]]. |
== Description == | == Description == | ||
| − | {{sectionNote | [[ | + | {{sectionNote | [[Quetzalcoatl]]}} |
| + | Quetzalcoatl is the Aztec god of wind, air, the dawn, merchants, arts, crafts, knowledge, priesthood, learning, and knowledge. He invented learning, books, and mankind. He ruled over a prosperous Tollan until his brother got him drunk and convinced him to have an incestuous night with his sister Quetzalpetlatl, thus shaming him and bringing him to suicide and transformation into Tlāhuizcalpantecuhtli, or Venus. | ||
=== Abilities === | === Abilities === | ||
| + | God strength and immortality. Highest IQ of anything ever. Powers over the wind and air. Can become venus. | ||
== Tale == | == Tale == | ||
| − | {{sectionNote | [[ | + | {{sectionNote | [[Quetzalcoatl]]}} |
| + | Quetzalcoatl found a city named Tollan, convinced them to stop human sacrifice, and then helped make the city a prosperous one, teaching the citizens many things. This city used to worship his brother, Tezcatlipoca, who became angered by this. Disguised as an old man, Tezcatlipoca tricked Quetzalcoatl into drinking a highly intoxicating drink called pulque, and led him to incestuous acts with his own sister, Quetzalpetlatl. His shame drove him to leave the city, believing himself unworthy. He built a boat from snakes, and promised to return some day. | ||
== Fight Club == | == Fight Club == | ||
| − | {{fightClubDebate|[[ | + | {{fightClubDebate|[[Quetzalcoatl]]|[[Adam]]|[[Leshen]] and [[Epona]]|[[Dylan]]|[[Velija]]}} |
=== Statsheets === | === Statsheets === | ||
| − | {{quickStatsheet| | + | {{quickStatsheet|Quetzalcoatl|9|6|10|9|34|Shame, Fire, DID|Wind/Air Powers, Can Become Venus}} |
| − | {{quickStatsheet| | + | {{quickStatsheet|Leshen|9|3|7|10|29|Fire|Root Attack, Teleportation in Forests}} |
| + | |||
| + | {{quickStatsheet|Epona|6|7|6|10|29|Meateaters, Horseharmers|Horse Summoning, Polo}} | ||
=== The Fight === | === The Fight === | ||
| − | + | It was a town of red brick, or brick that would have been red if the smoke and ashes had allowed it; but as matters stood, it was a town of unnatural red and black. It had a black canal in it, and a river that ran purple with ill-smelling dye, and vast piles of building full of windows where there was a rattling and a trembling all day long, and where the piston of the steam-engine worked monotonously up and down, like the head of an elephant in a state of melancholy madness. | |
| + | |||
| + | They see each other, Epona and Leshen, hanging out a cafe in this dark smelly town. A little snakes wisps by. Then the big snake comes behind that, that big snake being Quetzalcoatl. "Hey, I don't like you!" he yells to the two in the cafe. They speak harmoniously, "I came here to kick snake ass and drink coffee, and I just finished my coffee." Then they leave the cafe to battle. | ||
| + | |||
| + | FIGHT! | ||
| + | |||
| + | Quetzalcoatl thinks about how odd a pairing those two are, and notices that they are threatening him, so he pushes them away with a dust devil, just trying to keep distance. It kicks up a lot of smelly dye that gets on Quetzalcoatl leaving him smelly and coughing. "I thought hurricane season was over." Epona remarks to that. | ||
| + | |||
| + | Epona aims to ride her horse right over Quetzalcoatl while the Leshen uses his vines to distract him. The trample succeeds, cutting Quetzalcoatl on the upper neck a bit, making it hard to turn his head. Quetzalcoatl, realizing this battle is for real, so he wraps his body around Epona, attempting to crush her while yelling, on accident, "Have you guys seen the serpent in Harry Potter? That's not an accurate representation of a serpent." And then attempts to bit Epona's head off. Failing to sever the head, but he did succeed in crushing the chest in of Epona, who is on the verge of death. | ||
| + | |||
| + | Leshen attempts to crush Quetzalcoatl with a rapid vine attack, Epona attempts to gurgle blood. Both fail horribly. Quetzalcoatl, dodging the Leshen's root attack, he uses his momentum to fling Epona's limp, lifeless body at the Leshen. Her body hurls into a wall near the Leshen, missing him but killing Epona in the process. | ||
| − | '''Winner:''' [[ | + | Leshen attempts to use a feint to trick Quetzalcoatl, and then actually attack from underground, the feint completely tricks Quetzalcoatl, but unfortunate for the Leshen, it got confused which attack was the feint, and just feinted a second time, never actually attacking. Quetzalcoatl spirals into the air, roaring viciously, summoning a cyclone to hurl the Leshen into the air like Team Rocket. The cyclone loses energy early, and the Leshen is just lifted and dropped. Leshen repeats steps 2-3. With that not working, the Leshen uses its vines to destroy the structure of a building, dropping it towards Quetzalcoatl, who avoids most of the building, getting struck by some debris. |
| + | |||
| + | Summoning some fearsome wind, Quetzalcoatl tries to launch Leshen into the air, only causing him to hop. In frustration, he swings down and chomps hard at the Leshen who dodges quick enough to only lose a finger. Quetzalcoatl burps and says, "I love vegetables." The Leshen responds with the ol' 1-2 rectum attack, but it only attacks at a shallow depth, irritating, but not damaging, Quetzalcoatl's rectum. In this sudden attack, Quetzalcoatl squeezes its asshole shut tight, gripping the Leshen's root, but not well enough to hold on too hard, but succeeds in getting the root out. The Leshen tries to shove the same roots into Quetzalcoatl's mouth, who is having none of that. | ||
| + | |||
| + | Grabbing the Leshen with his, Quetzalcoatl throws the forest god into a nearby twister filled with Holstein cows, as it spins around and around, 342 cows repeatedly smash into the Leshen, giving it mad cow disease moments before taking its life. | ||
| + | |||
| + | '''Winner:''' [[Quetzalcoatl]]. | ||
== Famous Quotes == | == Famous Quotes == | ||
| − | {{EpQuote| | + | {{EpQuote|You know, if you didn't say that with such confidence I could have sworn you made it up.|Dylan}} |
| + | |||
| + | {{EpQuote|My cousin, Cokehead Rodney Dickens. That's his name. That's his full name.|Velija}} | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{PreviousEpisode| | + | {{PreviousEpisode|Apep a.k.a. The Frappening}} {{NextEpisode|Bai Ze a.k.a. Tits McGee}} |
Latest revision as of 10:35, 6 December 2018
Of Myths & Men: Episode 27, the only podcast simulcast in snakespeak where available. This week we discuss the Quetzalcoatl. The expert this week is Adam.
Contents
Description
| Main Article: Quetzalcoatl |
Quetzalcoatl is the Aztec god of wind, air, the dawn, merchants, arts, crafts, knowledge, priesthood, learning, and knowledge. He invented learning, books, and mankind. He ruled over a prosperous Tollan until his brother got him drunk and convinced him to have an incestuous night with his sister Quetzalpetlatl, thus shaming him and bringing him to suicide and transformation into Tlāhuizcalpantecuhtli, or Venus.
Abilities
God strength and immortality. Highest IQ of anything ever. Powers over the wind and air. Can become venus.
Tale
| Main Article: Quetzalcoatl |
Quetzalcoatl found a city named Tollan, convinced them to stop human sacrifice, and then helped make the city a prosperous one, teaching the citizens many things. This city used to worship his brother, Tezcatlipoca, who became angered by this. Disguised as an old man, Tezcatlipoca tricked Quetzalcoatl into drinking a highly intoxicating drink called pulque, and led him to incestuous acts with his own sister, Quetzalpetlatl. His shame drove him to leave the city, believing himself unworthy. He built a boat from snakes, and promised to return some day.
Fight Club
| Quetzalcoatl: | Adam |
|---|---|
| Leshen and Epona: | Dylan |
| Moderator: | Velija |
Statsheets
| Strength (1-10) | Speed (1-10) | Intelligence (1-10) | Durability (1-10) | Total (of 40) | Vulnerabilities | Special |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 9 | 6 | 10 | 9 | 34 | Shame, Fire, DID | Wind/Air Powers, Can Become Venus |
| Strength (1-10) | Speed (1-10) | Intelligence (1-10) | Durability (1-10) | Total (of 40) | Vulnerabilities | Special |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 9 | 3 | 7 | 10 | 29 | Fire | Root Attack, Teleportation in Forests |
| Strength (1-10) | Speed (1-10) | Intelligence (1-10) | Durability (1-10) | Total (of 40) | Vulnerabilities | Special |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 6 | 7 | 6 | 10 | 29 | Meateaters, Horseharmers | Horse Summoning, Polo |
The Fight
It was a town of red brick, or brick that would have been red if the smoke and ashes had allowed it; but as matters stood, it was a town of unnatural red and black. It had a black canal in it, and a river that ran purple with ill-smelling dye, and vast piles of building full of windows where there was a rattling and a trembling all day long, and where the piston of the steam-engine worked monotonously up and down, like the head of an elephant in a state of melancholy madness.
They see each other, Epona and Leshen, hanging out a cafe in this dark smelly town. A little snakes wisps by. Then the big snake comes behind that, that big snake being Quetzalcoatl. "Hey, I don't like you!" he yells to the two in the cafe. They speak harmoniously, "I came here to kick snake ass and drink coffee, and I just finished my coffee." Then they leave the cafe to battle.
FIGHT!
Quetzalcoatl thinks about how odd a pairing those two are, and notices that they are threatening him, so he pushes them away with a dust devil, just trying to keep distance. It kicks up a lot of smelly dye that gets on Quetzalcoatl leaving him smelly and coughing. "I thought hurricane season was over." Epona remarks to that.
Epona aims to ride her horse right over Quetzalcoatl while the Leshen uses his vines to distract him. The trample succeeds, cutting Quetzalcoatl on the upper neck a bit, making it hard to turn his head. Quetzalcoatl, realizing this battle is for real, so he wraps his body around Epona, attempting to crush her while yelling, on accident, "Have you guys seen the serpent in Harry Potter? That's not an accurate representation of a serpent." And then attempts to bit Epona's head off. Failing to sever the head, but he did succeed in crushing the chest in of Epona, who is on the verge of death.
Leshen attempts to crush Quetzalcoatl with a rapid vine attack, Epona attempts to gurgle blood. Both fail horribly. Quetzalcoatl, dodging the Leshen's root attack, he uses his momentum to fling Epona's limp, lifeless body at the Leshen. Her body hurls into a wall near the Leshen, missing him but killing Epona in the process.
Leshen attempts to use a feint to trick Quetzalcoatl, and then actually attack from underground, the feint completely tricks Quetzalcoatl, but unfortunate for the Leshen, it got confused which attack was the feint, and just feinted a second time, never actually attacking. Quetzalcoatl spirals into the air, roaring viciously, summoning a cyclone to hurl the Leshen into the air like Team Rocket. The cyclone loses energy early, and the Leshen is just lifted and dropped. Leshen repeats steps 2-3. With that not working, the Leshen uses its vines to destroy the structure of a building, dropping it towards Quetzalcoatl, who avoids most of the building, getting struck by some debris.
Summoning some fearsome wind, Quetzalcoatl tries to launch Leshen into the air, only causing him to hop. In frustration, he swings down and chomps hard at the Leshen who dodges quick enough to only lose a finger. Quetzalcoatl burps and says, "I love vegetables." The Leshen responds with the ol' 1-2 rectum attack, but it only attacks at a shallow depth, irritating, but not damaging, Quetzalcoatl's rectum. In this sudden attack, Quetzalcoatl squeezes its asshole shut tight, gripping the Leshen's root, but not well enough to hold on too hard, but succeeds in getting the root out. The Leshen tries to shove the same roots into Quetzalcoatl's mouth, who is having none of that.
Grabbing the Leshen with his, Quetzalcoatl throws the forest god into a nearby twister filled with Holstein cows, as it spins around and around, 342 cows repeatedly smash into the Leshen, giving it mad cow disease moments before taking its life.
Winner: Quetzalcoatl.
Famous Quotes
"You know, if you didn't say that with such confidence I could have sworn you made it up." - Dylan
"My cousin, Cokehead Rodney Dickens. That's his name. That's his full name." - Velija
