Difference between revisions of "Jörmungandr a.k.a. Norman Gander"
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Latest revision as of 11:44, 23 November 2018
Of Myths & Men: Episode 25, the only podcast to record using a Smellophone. This week we discuss the Jörmungandr. The expert this week is Dylan.
Contents
Description
| Main Article: Jörmungandr |
Jörmungandr is a long sea serpent of Norse Mythology. He is the child of Loki and Angrboda and he spends his time wrapped around the world biting its own tail. Thor is his worst enemy as Jörmungandr has been embarrassed on three different accounts. Once when he was too fat for Thor to lift, once when Thor caught him with good fishing line, and once when Thor killed him during Ragnarok.
Abilities
Jörmungandr has tremendous strength and girth from its incredible size. It also has venomous spit that can poison the sea and the sky.
Tale
| Main Article: Jörmungandr |
Jörmungandr, when on a brisk swim, was caught by the vile Thor on a fishing trip. Thor used an ox head he had handy to catch the serpent, and then proceeded to try to kill it, but failed when Hymir panicked and cut the line. Jörmungandr was able to escape and live to die in Ragnarok.
Fight Club
| Jörmungandr: | Dylan |
|---|---|
| Oni: | Adam |
| Moderator: | Velija |
Statsheets
| Strength (1-10) | Speed (1-10) | Intelligence (1-10) | Durability (1-10) | Total (of 40) | Vulnerabilities | Special |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 9 | 1 | 2 | 10 | 22 | Good Fishing Line | Venomous Spit |
| Strength (1-10) | Speed (1-10) | Intelligence (1-10) | Durability (1-10) | Total (of 40) | Vulnerabilities | Special |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | 4 | 4 | 9 | 23 | Beheading, Not Quite Cannibalism | Sorcery, Disease Bringers, Kanabo |
The Fight
West Covina California. Serpents slithers through the streets of West Covina. Japantown, West Covina California, an Oni resides. He doesn't like serpents. He wants to kill them. Fight!
Jörmungandr smashes down on the Oni like a badass, clipping the Oni on the shoulder as it dodges out of the way. Its shoulder dislocated, he relocates it quickly, sliding away all anime style. In bad Japanese, the Oni accidentally says "What is snake?" Debris of rocks that were shot in the air from Jörmungandr's attack slowly fall around, the Oni jumping from one large rock to the next, bringing his Kanabo down hard onto on the serpent's right eye, damaging it and half-blinding the snake.
Jörmungandr swings his tail in anger, trying to swipe the Oni, but misses, hitting a building and sending debris clouding the sky once more. One large piece flies down and hits the own in the shoulder, dislocating it once again. The serpent takes its bonus action to sneak up on the Oni by crashing through a building and chomping down on it. This fails. It's unclear why, it just does.
The Oni says in its almost perfect Japanese "I like little boys." The Oni is very embarrassed, and tries to bring disease upon the serpent, bringing a plague of Polio. Unfortunately, it just affects the Oni. Dazed and hurt, the Oni mumbles "I don't feel so good..." Jörmungandr takes the opportunity to try to squeeze the Oni to death in a constricting blow, but its girth is too much and can't get quite a good enough grip. Similar to what happens when one masturbates (if you're a male) but can't grab the penis well, so nothing much comes of it.
The Oni tries to gain back some composure and tests his Japanese once more, perfectly saying "Does this mean I'm your whole world?" The Oni feels pride in doing this, and strokes Jörmungandr's face and in his distraction attempts to punch a hole in the bottom of the snake's mouth, but only causes a pretty good dent and a lot of damage.
Jörmungandr lashes out slamming him into the ground and dives into the ground, the Oni gets flung to the side. Jörmungandr dives deep into the ground so that only its tale is poking out and wiggling, and there it awaits, readying its next move. The Oni gives it no time to wait and yells out "How do I like my steak?" in Japanese, the dives into the serpent's poop chute. There's too much poop to make it far, and disgusted, Oni retreats from his position being very ineffective.
Jörmungandr, just absolutely raging now, dives up from the ground below the Oni and chomps down on it, tearing its leg off. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to Jörmungandr, it was NOT the Oni that he bit, it was a Decoy Snail! The Oni surprises Jörmungandr, planning to finish the snake off once and for all. He goes to tie it in a knot, but the pressure gets to him and his mind blanks as he forgets how to tie a knot, staring Jörmungandr in the eyes. Jörmungandr bites the Oni in half, killing it.
Winner: Jörmungandr.
Famous Quotes
"Jörmungandr. Also known as Norman Gander. Founder of Gander Mountain." - Adam
"Is this where you have the little poop guy? He looks like a triangle piece of poop." - Velija
"I never knew you had such strong opinions on triangles and Goombas." - Dylan
"Super sexy snakes slithering simultaneously in Sussex, South Carolina." - Velija
